mainlined.org » txt message http://blog.mainlined.org flashes of light and verbal scraps Sun, 11 Apr 2010 21:07:01 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 Text Message Hall of Fame #4 http://blog.mainlined.org/2010/04/11/text-message-hall-of-fame-4/ http://blog.mainlined.org/2010/04/11/text-message-hall-of-fame-4/#comments Sun, 11 Apr 2010 21:07:01 +0000 joe http://blog.mainlined.org/?p=504 These are random text messages that I have sent or received, intentionally left anonymous to protect the guilty:

Note to self. Do not reserve your name at a restaurant as “Hitler”.

Mmmmm, nothing says hawt like welts on your penis.

I’m told to not be manly right now.

The DJ here reminds me of the cat shit under my bed.

I’m your #1 lezbo? Awesome!

I recommend you defecate immediately

I’m doing a bunch of coke and whores….and being thoughtful.

The vanilla fro-yo at Bali tastes really strong like whiskey.

Dark purple shit with raspberry colored water….awesome.

Time for some hot guy on guy action for drinks.

Neon green pubes.

Gentlemen… it appears the quest is failing. All of the women in SLO have been eaten by wild boars. None survived. We must cope with their demise.

All whale dick, all the time.

People are going apeshit here. I’m in ‘Nam.

Cheers man, one year further from Jesus.

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Holy wtf, I just killed a bear

That’s awesome, I just found a cargo ship for sale for $700k

There are two people sitting on my lap.

Search for halo sex or weightlifting on youtube, it’s awesome.

I know ping

You are stronger….and less violent that I. I would kill her while she slept and cut her hands and head off before dumping her in a pit of hungry hogs.

The grass is always green where the frogs have been shitting

Pile o’ lamb is on the kitchen counter.

I just spilled beer on my laptop and the keyboard started working again.

Do you have any lampshades to go with my discoball brightness?

It would be better with guac to smear all over myself, but….

Rub some guac on your nips for me, you SOB

Quick doctor, two liters of beer, stat!

I just saw a Trojan commercian with a guys penis in a windtunnel

I make them do their business in public

What up, dog? (Street lingo for What are you doing, Cracker?)

…house whores for winners, hand jobs for the bad luck crowd.

]]> http://blog.mainlined.org/2009/11/07/text-message-hall-of-fame-3/feed/ 0 Text Message Hall of Fame #2 http://blog.mainlined.org/2009/09/19/text-message-hall-of-fame-2/ http://blog.mainlined.org/2009/09/19/text-message-hall-of-fame-2/#comments Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:23:11 +0000 joe http://blog.mainlined.org/?p=411 These are random text messages that I have sent or received, intentionally left anonymous to protect the guilty:

Jezuz, I shouldn’t be txting in front of a giant vagina.

The guac was good, the people were bad.

Join the Lemon Party —- for freedom.

The yeti penis.

I may or may not have just commited a federal crime.

I think I’m just going to drown myself in the reflecting pool now…

Are you guys gonna make babies and shit??

I kinda want to be Catholic.

You should be muslim.

CCTV is watching

Fe fi fo fum, I smell the blood of someone on their period

I just had a hooker walk toward me on the street with her dress pulled up to her chin…yeah…

I’m watching a murder be filmed.

You may be in for a little sex when you get back Mr.

My nephew is such a homo, OMG, he’s going to eat more weiners than Oscar Meyer

Yeah, well, I’m wearing nothing but manties and I’m completely shaved and tied up in the dark…..it’s been a while

..Beauty is in the brown eye of the beholder.

I like to dip into my intestines.

Mmmm…piss and cigars

Why can’t I steam milk with a vegetable steamer?

No man should ever have to bear witness to his ‘O’ face.

I’m doing drunken sign language.

Like seeing your dead grandmother crawl up your leg with a knife in her teeth

]]> http://blog.mainlined.org/2009/09/19/text-message-hall-of-fame-2/feed/ 1 Text Message Hall of Fame #1 http://blog.mainlined.org/2009/07/08/text-message-hall-of-fame-1/ http://blog.mainlined.org/2009/07/08/text-message-hall-of-fame-1/#comments Wed, 08 Jul 2009 10:40:05 +0000 joe http://blog.mainlined.org/?p=373 This is the first installment of the “Text Message Hall of Fame”. I’ll attempt to remember to post these occasionally. These are random text messages that I have sent or received, intentionally left anonymous to protect the guilty:

Free as in lots of beer

Can you txt me your bank acct #?

I just have to fire up my teleportation machine

Tweet the deets!

Kill him til he is dead

I feel like I just ran the Boston Marathon with a brick strapped to my balls

Funkalastic

Maybe you could grow pot

I just saw three male ducks gang rape a female

I feel like I have a Winston Light in my lung

Kim Jong Unce

*unts unts unts unts* o-/-<

I’m going to kill a jock this evening

Do you know how much they give for knuckle children?

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