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My current favorite tracks:

These are random text messages that I have sent or received, intentionally left anonymous to protect the guilty: Holy wtf, I just killed a bear That’s awesome, I just found a cargo ship for sale for $700k There are two people sitting on my lap. Search for halo sex or weightlifting on youtube, it’s awesome. [...]

These are random text messages that I have sent or received, intentionally left anonymous to protect the guilty: Jezuz, I shouldn’t be txting in front of a giant vagina. The guac was good, the people were bad. Join the Lemon Party —- for freedom. The yeti penis. I may or may not have just commited [...]

Humidity, the Metro, hummus, Jazz in the Garden, great coffee, Marines, hookers, sleeping on a pile of clothes, tourists, cigars, patriotism, free newspapers, museums, cops, the Supreme Court cafeteria, Lincoln, house music at Lima, blisters, lightning, talking on my cell phone, sangria, living on Capitol Hill, the White House, intelligent conversation, being the guy from [...]

Since moving to DC a couple weeks ago (and admittedly, I’m going to be moving back at the end of the month due to unforeseen events that have transpired, but I digress), I’ve been able to take my time to explore the city and all the treasures within, unlike my previous journey here during inauguration [...]

This is the first installment of the “Text Message Hall of Fame”. I’ll attempt to remember to post these occasionally. These are random text messages that I have sent or received, intentionally left anonymous to protect the guilty: Free as in lots of beer Can you txt me your bank acct #? I just have [...]