mainlined.org

My current favorite tracks:

These are random text messages that I have sent or received, intentionally left anonymous to protect the guilty:

Holy wtf, I just killed a bear

That’s awesome, I just found a cargo ship for sale for $700k

There are two people sitting on my lap.

Search for halo sex or weightlifting on youtube, it’s awesome.

I know ping

You are stronger….and less violent that I. I would kill her while she slept and cut her hands and head off before dumping her in a pit of hungry hogs.

The grass is always green where the frogs have been shitting

Pile o’ lamb is on the kitchen counter.

I just spilled beer on my laptop and the keyboard started working again.

Do you have any lampshades to go with my discoball brightness?

It would be better with guac to smear all over myself, but….

Rub some guac on your nips for me, you SOB

Quick doctor, two liters of beer, stat!

I just saw a Trojan commercian with a guys penis in a windtunnel

I make them do their business in public

What up, dog? (Street lingo for What are you doing, Cracker?)

…house whores for winners, hand jobs for the bad luck crowd.

These are random text messages that I have sent or received, intentionally left anonymous to protect the guilty:

Jezuz, I shouldn’t be txting in front of a giant vagina.

The guac was good, the people were bad.

Join the Lemon Party —- for freedom.

The yeti penis.

I may or may not have just commited a federal crime.

I think I’m just going to drown myself in the reflecting pool now…

Are you guys gonna make babies and shit??

I kinda want to be Catholic.

You should be muslim.

CCTV is watching

Fe fi fo fum, I smell the blood of someone on their period

I just had a hooker walk toward me on the street with her dress pulled up to her chin…yeah…

I’m watching a murder be filmed.

You may be in for a little sex when you get back Mr.

My nephew is such a homo, OMG, he’s going to eat more weiners than Oscar Meyer

Yeah, well, I’m wearing nothing but manties and I’m completely shaved and tied up in the dark…..it’s been a while

..Beauty is in the brown eye of the beholder.

I like to dip into my intestines.

Mmmm…piss and cigars

Why can’t I steam milk with a vegetable steamer?

No man should ever have to bear witness to his ‘O’ face.

I’m doing drunken sign language.

Like seeing your dead grandmother crawl up your leg with a knife in her teeth

Humidity, the Metro, hummus, Jazz in the Garden, great coffee, Marines, hookers, sleeping on a pile of clothes, tourists, cigars, patriotism, free newspapers, museums, cops, the Supreme Court cafeteria, Lincoln, house music at Lima, blisters, lightning, talking on my cell phone, sangria, living on Capitol Hill, the White House, intelligent conversation, being the guy from California, Vietnam vets, EDT, Peregrine, Jeopardy night, sudden downpours, flying by the Washington Monument on the way here, culture, arguing about the Constitution, becoming a regular, Capitol Hill Books, diversity, America, the sewage smell emanating from the Capitol reflecting pool, health care, Lois Capps, people shooting drugs, John the knowledge guy, air conditioning, mosquitoes, obliterating a chess computer, horns honking, not feeling like a tourist, politics, 10 cops to arrest one guy, meeting people, federal agents, architecture, Library of Congress, being far away, sitting on the steps of the Capitol during a downpour and lightning storm, Amy’s frozen dinners, sending 3000 txt msgs, getting yelled at by Capitol Police, overhearing conversations, romping around the House/Senate offices, the reflecting pool, fire hydrant street parties, dripping with sweat, roommates, escalators, holding my own while arguing with people who actually know what they are talking about, running into someone I know downtown, Chinese food, talking to far away friends, warm nights, thanking the guard outside the Marine Barracks every time I walk by, screwdrivers, accidentally walking through the ghetto, cigarette machines, black people, history, fast internet, hopping the Congressional Cemetery fence, the feeling of hope in the air, old houses, bars open until 3am, not having a job, Iranian protesters, free veggie sandwiches, glowsticks, taxis that say “no”, charging my cell phone three times a day, going back to California.

Since moving to DC a couple weeks ago (and admittedly, I’m going to be moving back at the end of the month due to unforeseen events that have transpired, but I digress), I’ve been able to take my time to explore the city and all the treasures within, unlike my previous journey here during inauguration week where I was rushing around trying to take it all in for the first time and having to deal with the giant crowd. I had really lost all my excitement to move into the city due to the drama in my personal life, and trudged around the first couple of days trying to see a few things that I had missed on my first trip.

I have to say, I live in a very ideal location, on Capitol Hill East, right at Pennsylvania and Potomac Avenue. The metro is conveniently located a couple doors down from my house which makes getting around a snap, although, I still usually prefer just to walk down to the National Mall since it’s within easy walking distance (about 1 mile).

The first thing that reminded me why I had wanted to come here in the first place was as I was wandering around the Smithsonian American History Museum. I was looking through the presidential exhibit and watched a short video of various past presidents reflecting on the more sentimental, non-political aspects of what it meant to them to serve the country. It made me remember the day on the National Mall in January, where you could feel the energy of the people wanting to take part in their own future, and watching as our next president took the oath of office, literally feeling the shift of power. That still moves me to tears every time I think about it, even as I write this. I am honored to have made that trip and witness history take place right before my eyes.

Living here, albeit, even for a short time, I’ve been able to see some of the lesser things that DC has to offer. My first few days, I made it through all of the museums on the National Mall, which alone makes it worth it to be in the city. I spent some time laying at Lincoln’s feet in the dead of night, as I think I will do every time I make it to DC. Lincoln is always a powerful experience, especially at night, when you can be alone in the silence without the tourists, and really appreciate and reflect upon his magnificence and that of the country which we live in. I get to walk by the Whitehouse on a daily basis since it’s located right by downtown. I’ve spoken to the Iranian protesters sitting outside who are on a hunger strike, desperately trying to get their voices heard by someone who can do something to help them out.

Today, I was able to go into the Supreme Court courtroom, which was very intriguing. It was awe-inspiring to see the room in which the decisions that shape our country are made. I was also able to make it to the Library of Congress finally and see the Thomas Jefferson collection of books. I also read quite a bit of fascinating material about the forming of the country, King George III, and the creation of the Constitution and Amendments.

I love the people of this city for many reasons. The sheer diversity is striking and wonderful. There are people of all shapes, sizes and colors. My neighborhood is very nice, everyone says “hi” and nods as you go by, no matter who you or they might be. It’s interesting to witness that in such a big city, it makes it feel more homely.

One of my favorite experiences was a night at a local bar, some folks asked me to join them at their table. We spent hours talking about politics and history, a wide spectrum of subjects. This was really the first time I had spoken in depth to anyone in DC, and these people were very intelligent. Two of them worked for the Department of Labor and one for the Federal Trade Commision, and two girls who were going to school. It was a fun time, and exactly the kind of thing I had come to DC for; I wanted to be immersed in an intelligent, thinking, progressive environment, surrounded by good people. They were great folks, and I was invited to join their team for “Jeopardy Night” (a trivia thing at the bar). I went that night and had a blast.

My second DC experience this time around will be coming to an end shortly. I hope that I get to come back at some point in the future, but at least I feel like I’ve really had time to soak in the city. I’ve done tons of walking around and I really feel like I’m starting to know what’s going on here. And I’ve even ended up in some really bad neighborhoods where I had some rather “eye-opening” experiences. But even then, I never really felt fear for my physical safety. It’s still amazing to me that there are such bad places only blocks from our Nation’s Capitol. But such is the nature of things, I suppose. I’m hopeful that I will be back before the next inauguration….

This is the first installment of the “Text Message Hall of Fame”. I’ll attempt to remember to post these occasionally. These are random text messages that I have sent or received, intentionally left anonymous to protect the guilty:

Free as in lots of beer

Can you txt me your bank acct #?

I just have to fire up my teleportation machine

Tweet the deets!

Kill him til he is dead

I feel like I just ran the Boston Marathon with a brick strapped to my balls

Funkalastic

Maybe you could grow pot

I just saw three male ducks gang rape a female

I feel like I have a Winston Light in my lung

Kim Jong Unce

*unts unts unts unts* o-/-<

I’m going to kill a jock this evening

Do you know how much they give for knuckle children?